Colours Of Your Soul
by Butterflies Of Beauty
Summary: previously Bring Me To Life, before I decide to make it a series. Cuddy gets taken on trips through her soul, how will she come out?
1. Bring Me To Life

**ok, I know I'm posting a lot of finished huddy stories (ok, this is the 2nd one, maybe not a lot) and some readers want me to update some of the other stories I posted. I will do that later, but now I'm obsessed with House, so maybe I can't come up with more... I go where my mind takes me.  
A second thing, people may have noticed I'm using songs as titles. I just can't come up with other things at the moment, and this song fits. cookies to all who can guess the artist of this song, and the one who sang the songs from Leap Of Faith, all chapters.  
****A third, I would like people to enter in my second contest about vampires and werewolfs.  
So, enough with this author note and on with the story. It's, once again, set after she lost Joy and the kiss didn't happen. And I don't know about Cuddy's history, so I made one.**

She had enough. After years of being shouted at by House and trying to get a child, she had finally had enough. She had lost once again and she couldn't take it anymore. What did she have to gain by staying alive? She saw the tub filling slowly as she thought about what she was about to do. Would it hurt? It couldn't hurt more than the things she felt every day. She sat down in the tub and felt the drugs taking effect. She quickly took a deep breath before they completely started working and lunched her head backwards. The next thing she saw was darkness.

Or... light? She was definitely inside a room, but there were no windows or lamps. There was nothing except 4 walls, a floor and a ceiling, all in red. How could there be light when it didn't come from anywhere?

"Why did you do this?"

She jumped and turned around to see there was a little girl standing there. She couldn't have been more than 5 years old. She was wearing a white sleeveless dress that reached just below her knees and it looked like it was shining. The girl looked familiar, but she could place her. She had to be the one who talked, but now she just was staring at her, so she decided to start the conversation.

"Who are you?"

"I don't have a name."

"Why?"

"No one could give me one."

"Why?"

"No one ever met me. Why? Because I died before they could."

This was insane! Sure, she had meant to kill herself, but she never thought death would be like this. Somehow she had expected whiter, like the dress the girl was wearing. But the dress was the only white thing she could see.

"This isn't death."

She came down from her thoughts and looked at the girl. She had said she was dead, but somehow she wasn't? What was this place?

"This is a place in between. Between life and death. Why it's red? Because red is the colour of roses, which stands for love, but also the colour of blood, which stands for hate. The night starts with a red sky, but the day does too. Red can be the colour of your skin when you're angry or shy, if you're hot or cold, it can be seen as fire, which destroys, but also as a heart, which builds. But most of all, it stands for a stop. This room symbolizes the place where you are now, and only you can choose if you want to go through or go back to where you came from."

She let the words sink in. She had a chance to go back?

"Yes you have. I'm here to help you with making your decision."

Somehow she believed this girl. But she needed to know for sure before going with her.

"How do I know I'm not really dead?"

The girl smiled and pointed to a mirror that just had appeared.

"Go and look at what you're wearing."

She walked over and was stunned for a moment. She was wearing a silk dress that stopped just above the ground. There was a split in the material, at the left side, which reached all the way up to her hip. The only thing that held it up was a gold necklace with a heart hanging from it. What really was amazing was the fact everything was red. And not just red, it looked like it was made to change colour a little, for it was light, then dark and then went back to light. Now she believed the girl fully.

"Good. Don't be scared."

The next moment they were flying through a colour vortex. There were screens passing by, but she couldn't see what played on them. Then one of them became bigger and the girl led her to it.

She looked around and saw they were standing in a hospital room. She didn't recognize it, so she figured it wasn't in her hospital. There were a few people standing in the room, around a woman holding a child which couldn't be more than a week old. Just then, one of the nurses spoke up.

"Do you have a name yet?"

The woman smiled at a man who smiled back.

"Yes, we have. Her name will be Lisa. Lisa Cuddy."

The other Lisa looked at her companion, shocked while the latter just shrugged her shoulders.

"I wanted to be thorough, so I started at the beginning. I think you know what happened a few days later, so I'm not going to torture you with seeing it."

She thought about it while the girl led them in another vortex. Yes, she knew, her father had told her so many times. Everything had gone well, until someone at the hospital gave her mother the wrong drugs, what killed her. Her father had sued the hospital, but the judge had said it had been a mistake and mistakes could happen. No one was to blame, and her father was left with next to nothing because he had to take care of her and pay the attorneys.

And then they were standing in another moment. One she remembered and saw back in her worst nightmares. Metal bent out of shape, flames everywhere, the iron smell of blood in the air. Sirens everywhere and, although she couldn't really feel it, she still felt the cold air of that night. It was the night her father died. The night she decided she wanted to be a doctor. Another night that was nobodies fault. No one was to blame.

"It was the day after Christmas, so there was more traffic than usual. No one saw the patch of ice that had formed in the middle of a crossroad until it was too late and someone slipped over it. Other cars couldn't brake and collided with the pile or could just steer away and collide with the buildings surrounding it. There were three survivors. John Millander, 39, survived with a broken arm and a concussion. He was rich and had enforced his limo; it took the hit for him. Samantha Nikos, 33, was smart and jumped out of her car, because she saw she couldn't stop in time. Only had a few bruises and sore ribs. The last survivor was a child. 12 years old. No one knew her name or how she survived, but soon she was called a miracle child. A week later no one had come to pick her up, so they concluded she was an orphan."

Then there were articles from newspapers flying past. There were too many to read, but she could read a few of them.

'Big pile-up in Chicago. Only 3 survivors'

'12 year old girl survives car crash in Chicago'

'Identity 12 year old girl still not known'

'Girl from accident now an orphan'

'Crash survivors now live together'

She winced at the last one. Samantha and John fell in love after the accident. After a few weeks they had decided they wanted a child, but neither of them had wanted to raise one from birth. So they decided they should adopt, and who was better than the girl who survived the crash with them? At first it had been good, they hid her from cameras and never told anyone her name, she didn't want that. But later they fought a lot. They didn't even come to her graduation.

"Wow girl, go slower! You're graduation comes later, there's something we have to look at first."

Another vortex later they were standing in a dark room which she recognized as her bedroom from college. But why were they there?

"Look behind you."

She did. There, on the bed, was a young man, sitting next to a sleeping woman she recognized as herself. He slowly lent in to kiss her forehead, whispered something in her ear and left. She heard him do something in the other room, but she was too stunned to see what.

Then there was another vortex, less blurry than the ones before. She figured it was because of the time that had passed; it was only a few days later when they stepped out. Graduation day. She had finished first of her class, but she wasn't happy. No one was there for her. She had no real friends, because she didn't wanted to be recognized as the girl from the crash and she was always busy studying, Samantha and John had been to busy fighting to hear she was graduated and she hadn't seen Greg since they slept together. She had pretended to be happy, but she hadn't been.

"He was there, you know."

She looked in the direction the girl pointed and saw she was right. There he stood. Greg House. He was smiling too, but she could see it wasn't a true smile, like hers. He looked like he wanted to cry, like she had wanted and did later that day.

"He loved you. He didn't want to admit it, but he did. He even whispered it to you, but then it all went wrong. He searched for your phone number, but he found your roommates number. Stacy's number. She played it like the both of you thought the other never wanted to see you again and started dating Greg. He didn't find out until it was too late and you were gone. Which brings us to the next moment"

When they stepped out of the vortex the next time, she immediately knew where they were. It was his apartment, and judging by the cane that stood next to his chair, it was after the surgery that crippled him. But when exactly was this?

"Look at what he's doing."

She walked over to where he was sitting and realized he was writing. She read over his shoulder, thinking it was a song.

_'And Lisa, I love you. You always have been the one that holds my heart. I am sorry if this hurts you, but this is a goodbye'_

She looked up, shocked. As far as she knew, he hadn't tried to kill himself. He didn't have any marks to show it either. So what was he doing?

"He never tried. See what happens next, it saved him."

She saw him finishing the letter, put it in an envelope, put it in his pocket and walking to a cabinet. He opened it and wanted to grab the noose lying there, but then someone knocked on the door. He closed the cabinet and went to let the person in.

She gasped when she saw who was at the door. It was her. She looked around to see if there was something what would tell her what day it was and the answer came quickly in the form of a calendar hanging on the wall. She had given him his job to keep him from doing stupid things, like killing himself, but she never realized she had been this close to losing him. Why didn't he tell her?

"Before this he still thought you never wanted to see him again, because he never knew Stacy was the one to say that. He thought the text message came from you. And you didn't save him by giving him his job; you saved him by coming to his place. It made him realize he had another chance. But at that point he already was miserable and he didn't want you to be stuck with a miserable, self-destructive man."

She looked at her younger self arguing with House. She couldn't tell he wanted to kill himself just a few minutes ago. How did he ever get this good at hiding his emotions?

"Like you don't know. He learned from the best, you. He saw right trough you in college and learned how to hide his own emotions by letting you show yours."

"I don't hide my emotions. I don't need to. There's nothing to be hidden."

The girl snickered.

"Yeah, right. I can tell you're lying and I can prove it too. Hold on to something, this is going to be one bumpy ride."

And then they flew through moments. It went really fast, but she could make out some of them.

The day after his surgery, sitting by his bed, waiting for him to wake up

*FLASH*

Sitting next to his bed, again waiting for him to wake up, this time from being shot

*FLASH*

Him helping her with the injections she needed for IVF

*FLASH*

Her lying in a big chair, after the bus accident and his brain stimulation, waiting for him to wake up _again_

*FLASH*

Too many things flew by to proper see them all and she had to steady herself when it stopped. It took her a minute to realize they were standing inside a bus, almost completely empty.

"To answer the questions you want to ask: all those moments were moments you thought you loved him. And now we're in one of his fantasies. You probably remember the many things he did to remember the bus accident. One of his tries brought him here."

She watched speechless how her fantasy self suddenly was dressed in some schoolgirl outfit and began stripping for him while diagnosing the patient. Luckily, the fantasy stopped before she had shown too much, but she didn't know if it was for the reason given or the fact that he didn't remember her like that. Somehow that made her sad.

"Good, we're making progress here. You're starting to realize you love him. Stacy didn't only make him hide his feelings; she made you hide them as well."

The girl was right. Stacy had always been the one standing between her and Greg. But now she realized it all had been a stupid coincidence. If he had found her number instead of Stacy's, they may have been together now. But it could still work out, she loved him. And she hoped he still loved her.

"Ok, I gave you a possible reason to die, which is that everyone from your family is dead, and I gave you a possible reason to live, which is your love for House. Only two more things to show you, what happened while you were travelling with me and how your funeral could look like when you choose death. I'm going to start with the latter, I'm sorry it isn't clear, but the future isn't clear either."

The next moment they were at a cemetery. The girl had been right; everything was black and white, except for all the red parts. She looked around and saw a lot of people standing there, she didn't even know who most of them were. But there were also some familiar faces. The child she had lost and her mother, some donors, even Stacy was there, but everyone seamed to avoid her, which lightened her mood a little. Then she realized someone was missing, and a quick look around the place told her she didn't just overlook him.

"I thought you would notice him missing."

"Where is he?"

The girl saddened

"You see, he was very upset by your death. He was in pain, so he thought maybe a vicodin would help. But it didn't, so he took another one. And another one. And another one. At the end the bottle was empty and his body couldn't handle it anymore. He died of an overdose, only a few hours after your body was found."

She walked over to her coffin and realized there was another one next to it, his. He was wearing his favourite band shirt and jeans, complete with cane by his side, as she was wearing a dress that came from her closet. They were different, but also alike. Because, on both of their clothing, there was a heart-shaped piece of fabric sewn over their hearts. In red.

Then Wilson walked over with two pieces of paper in his hand, the one a little darker than the other. He put one in her coffin and the other in House's. She realized he must have put their suicide notes with them, as a silent question. Why they had done this.

She walked over to her coffin and saw it was the part of his suicide note he had written he loved her, and it was longer than before. She moved so she could read it. It almost made her cry.

_'I did not break up with you in college; Stacy made it look like I did. She did the same thing to me, made it look like I did not wanted to see you again. I am sorry for not realizing it sooner, so we could be together. I never stopped loving you.'_

But the last line really made her cry.

_'I am sorry for being too late.'_

He must have written it in the short time between her body being found and his death. She kept crying while the girl brought her back to the red room, which was a little more filled now. She lied down on the bed that had appeared and cried herself to sleep.

When she woke up, the girl was staring at her from a chair she recognized. The chair she had slept in while waiting for him to wake up.

"You know, for someone who claims has no hidden emotions, you have pretty emotional dreams."

She blushed as she remembered where she had dreamt about. It had been pretty emotional, yes, but she was used to it.

The girl giggled, then became serious.

"So, have you decided what you're going to do yet?"

She had. She would try and make it work, even if he didn't want her to. She knew he would give in eventually, he loved her too.

"Good, now hold on to my arm and don't let go. This is going to be hellish."

She grabbed one of the girl's arms and off they went. The girl had been right, it felt awful. It took her a while to figure out they were standing in a hospital room. Her hospital room, complete with House at her side.

"I just transported us from something you could call the spirit world to the world of the living, which will explain why you're so tired now and what you are wearing."

She looked at herself and saw she was wearing a hospital gown, like her body in the bed. Luckily, it was one with a closed back.

"That was his doing. He found you only a few seconds after you hit your head, you didn't slip underwater. He hid the letter and the pills, took you to the hospital after making you look a little decent and told everyone you had fell and hit your head. He hasn't left your bedside once, even though you only have a concussion."

She should have been angry at him for not doing his job, but she wasn't. This showed he really cared. That he really loved her, although he probably would deny it later.

"So, before or ways part, you have three questions."

Her first question came quick. "Who are you?"

The girl smiled a sad smile.

"I said you before, I don't have a name. I was gone before someone could give it to me."

"How did you know what I thought?"

"I am a spirit that is somehow connected to you. This can be through blood, or just because you saw me for one second. These connections are random, but sometimes people can choose their connection. That seldom happens, but it is possible."

Her face lit up when she realized it. "Joy!"

The girl smiled too, this time happy.

"Thank you for giving me my name. I am sorry I went away, but something pulled me away."

Joy hugged her and continued her story.

"I couldn't go away here either, I needed my name first. But now you gave it to me and I can go to Heaven, which is actually a place in the spirit world. Just one more question before I really have to go."

"Can I keep the dress?"

Joy laughed.

"Just wait."

And after that, it all turned black.

**housebringmetolifehouse**

"Joy..."

He sat up when he heard her voice. He couldn't be mistaken; he hadn't heard her voice for too long. He quickly called a nurse, who made sure she was going to be allright before leaving them alone. She smiled at him and he couldn't help to smile back.

"I love you."

He froze. Did she really just say that? It couldn't be, it probably were the drugs talking. Soon she would be back to denying it, even though he had read her letter. But still he found her coming closer, as if she wanted to kiss him. Except that she wasn't moving, it was him who moved because she wasn't really able to. Not that he cared, he just kissed her, not even hearing the nurse coming in again, not hearing the gasp, not caring for the fact the whole hospital would know the next day, only caring for _her._

**_A week later_**

She was getting discharged today and the only thing she was waiting for before leaving was for Greg to come and get her. The guy became overprotective and didn't want her to leave the room without him. It was her own hospital, but she liked how overprotective he was. She knew he only did it because he didn't want to lose her and it only showed he cared.

She saw him limping down the hall while shouting at some male nurse he had come to close to her room. Not that she would date someone else, no, not now they were engaged. He had asked her just yesterday, after endless talk with Wilson and trying to get the right ring. They hadn't really been dating before, but for her all those years of working together counted too.

She was finally really happy. He had believed her when she told him about her trip with Joy. She had told him all about it and when she was finished he told her his own story. After his brain stimulation he had made a similar trip, only with Elvis Presley in a white suit.

"Thinking of me?"

She smiled while his arms circled her waist.

"No, Elvis."

He pretended to be hurt, which only made her laugh. They kept making each other laugh while they walked to her office. It was like they had been together for a long time, longer than the week it actually was. The laughter ceased when they arrived and her assistant told her she had a package.

She practically ran inside and was busy opening it already while he closed the door. When he finally had reached her, she had already placed the red fabric that looked like it couldn't be from earth at her desk and had just opened the letter that had come with it and held it so he could read it with her.

_Dear mommy (and mommy's fiancé)_

_I want to thank you again for giving me my name so I could go to Heaven. I like it here and I wish you could see it, you will someday. I am happy to see you are happy. With this letter I send you the dress, I think it would be great for the wedding. I'll be watching it from Heaven and be happy for you. Don't be sad, I will see you one day in Heaven._

_Joy_

_p.s. Elvis says hi to Greg. And tells him he's one lucky bastard._

She laughed and cried at the same time. It was just a few words, but it was comforting her. She looked at Greg and saw he had liked it too.

"So, let's pretend we are lost and go home."

She hit him playfully.

"Seriously, is that all you-" she managed to get out before he kissed her. She didn't pull back, it felt good.

And that night, after sleeping together for the first time since college, she realized red wasn't only for stopping. It also was for a new start, a newborn baby. A miracle, created with love.

She hoped she would have one herself one day.

**So, please review and tell me 1) if you want me to post the dreams Cuddy had (I actually came up with an idea to write two), 2) if you want me to write a sad ending, in which she dies too and 3) if i should write House's trip as well. A lot of ideas, I'm going to be busy for a while... lol. just review, pizza for who does! and also pizza for the people who can guess which Joy the girl is.**


	2. I must be dreaming

The night came and darkened all the colours. Normally she would think back to the time she went on a trip with Joy, but not tonight. Tonight she was thinking about Greg. No, not Greg, _House_. She had never known him personally, it had all been fake. That day after they had sex together everything was back to before she tried to kill herself. She had woken up in the hospital bed, all alone. The dress had come later, but there was no note with it, no explanation why it all had been a hallucination, if it even had been. The only thing he had done was finding her and telling everyone it must have been an accident.  
So, here she was now. No Greg, no love, no wedding. How could she miss something that hadn't been real in the first place so much? She didn't know. But why did it even matter? Even if she had him, she would have lost him today. He had screamed terrible untrue things to the hospital today, and while those things spread through the hospital, he had come to her office and broken down.  
She should have hated him for what he had said. She should have, but she couldn't. He had broken down, become so vulnerable, that she loved him even more. And then he had said he wasn't ok. It had broken her heart. So she had taken him to Wilson, and while she pretended to be happy at the wedding, he had taken him away. Now she was here, in her bed, all alone. Rachel was already sleeping and she was tired too.  
That was why she thought she was dreaming when she opened her eyes. She was in the red room again. But now she couldn't call it the red room anymore, because everything was purple, right down to her dress. Apart from changing colour, everything was the same. At least, that was what she thought. When she looked at the dress in the mirror, she saw that the pendant had changed too. Where the heart had been, was now a crescent moon.  
"I'm so sorry."  
It was just a whisper, but she recognized the voice. She looked into the mirror and saw Joy standing there, hiding in the shadows. She had just enough time to realize she looked older before the vortex came and took them somewhere. The next thing she knew was standing in her office. She was standing behind her desk, he in the middle of her office. She couldn't see Joy, but she did hear her voice.  
"What you are about to see is a part of how he lived his night. It will help you understand what happened today."  
And before she could protest, time started and the scene played out.  
_She was standing behind her desk, waiting for him to start talking. He only looked around, so she sighed and started the conversation.  
_"_**It's late and I'm tired, can we get to the talking**__** part of this conversation?"  
**__He took a breath__.__**  
"I quit."  
"Great. My nanny is off the clock at seven thirty, so, your week off, bigger desk, tighter nurse's uniforms will have to wait until -"  
**__He interrupted her.__**  
"You can go suckle your little bastard child if it makes you feel good about yourself,"  
"Screw you."  
**__She walked away, but just as she reached the door he turned around to stop her__. __**  
**_**"Don't do this."  
**_Ambers words didn't stop him.__**  
"I'm hallucinating."  
**__She stopped, still holding the door open, and turned around.__**  
"From the vicodin?"  
**__He took another breath__.__**  
"Ruled out everything else."  
**__She closed the door and turned around completely__**.  
"We can admit you through the ER under a pseudonym, no one has to -"  
"I'll cheat, scam, find someone to keep using."  
**__She had walked from the door to him__**  
"These people know what they are doing."  
"These people don't know me. You do."  
**_**"She's not your keeper, she has no responsibility for you"  
**_Another input from Amber. Another one he didn't listen to.__**  
"I need you."  
**__That was all that was needed to get her to help him.__**  
"Let me call my babysitter."  
**__She walked back to her desk and picked up the phone to call, leaving him to stand on that same spot in the middle of her office.  
_Suddenly she was back in the purple room, Joy still hiding. She was confused.  
"How will this help me to understand, it's just some altered version of what really happened. And another thing, why-"  
Before she could finish that sentence, Joy interrupted her.  
"This is the first in a series of dreams. You'll understand in the end. I can't stay, the night is over. And," she said, disappearing into the shadows even more, "please don't ask me what you intended to ask. I will have to answer."  
After that, she was awakened by her alarm. She went to dress, but she couldn't shake the sound of Joy's voice. She had sounded terrified at the end.

The day was over and she went to bed again. It had been a hell. She had to face the board because she had fired their most troublesome but best employee without talking it through with them. But all she wanted the whole day was for it to be over. She wanted to dream again, she wanted to understand what brought him to the point that he broke down.  
The moment she opened her eyes, she let out a breath. She was relieved; she was going to see another part of what happened. She was standing in his living room, her other self helping him while he threw up in something. And just then it started to play out.  
_He threw up in the bucket between his legs, while she came with a towel to help him. he sat there, breathing hard and shaking while she stroked his back, somehow hoping it would relieve the pain.  
_"_**Bite**__** down, I'll get you some tea."  
**__She walked to the kitchen.__**  
"Yeah, that'll be better."  
**__As soon as she was gone, he reached for the box on the table next to the couch, franticly trying to open it.__**  
**_**"You really think she hasn't searched this place for your secret stash?"  
**_A__mber again, at the same time he realized there was no vicodin in the box. He closed it at the same time she walked in again.__**  
"I already did this room. And the bathroom. And your bedroom. Where should I look in the kitchen?"  
**__H__e shook even worse, but he still told her.__**  
"Coffee cup, top shelf."  
**__She walked towards him.__**  
"That was a test, I already did the kitchen."  
**_**"Nicely played, she thinks you've come clean, given her everything."  
**_That only made him more deter__mined.__**  
"There's more."  
**_**Don't. You're hurting already, it'll only get worse."**_**  
"House, you should tell me where it is now, because you won't have the will to tell me in two hours."  
**__He took some ragged breaths.__**  
"My shoes in the closet."  
**_**"It's like I don't even know who you are anymore!"  
**_She stood up to get it, but he got worse, so she sat back down to help him.__**  
"It's ok, hold my hand."  
**_The next she knew was waking up. She got out of bed and started to get ready, because she knew she needed extra time to conceal the tears she had been crying.

The day was over and she was sitting on her couch, at home. She hoped that if she stayed up long enough, the dreams wouldn't come. She couldn't stand to see him hurt, it just didn't seem right. But eventually she couldn't handle it anymore, so she fell asleep.  
The scene she saw was him sitting by the toilet, holding on to it like his life depended on it, and herself sitting against the wall of the bathroom, watching him.  
_He was holding the toilet while she watched him. __After some time he turned to her.  
_"_**False alarm."  
**__She handed him a glass.__**  
"Drink this."  
"That's your advice? 'Drink this'?"  
**__He still took the glass.__**  
"It's ginger. It'll ease the nausea."  
"You know what'll calm nausea? Vicodin. Marijuana. Colna."  
**__At that moment he saw it. A vicodin. A lone vicodin on the floor, only a few feet away. And Amber chose that moment to show up again.__**  
**_**"Now don't pretend you didn't see it. I saw it, which means you saw it."  
**_H__e took a sip before while Amber continued.  
_"**Send her away."  
**_This time he did what Amber told him.__**  
"Too bitter. Already had enough bitter."  
**__He handed her the glass and she took it.__**  
"I'll add some honey."  
**__With that she stood up and walked away. He watched her go, and then looked at the vicodin again. His eyes went farther, to Amber, who was leaning on the wall next to his bath__. Then she spoke up again.__**  
**_**"You're pathetic. If you want the pills, just send her home. But you can't, because that would be admitting defeat to her."  
**_He had looked between the pill and Amber, but now his mind was set. He took a deep breath and started to crawl towards the pill. He stopped halfway there to stare at Amber again, who now was standing on the edge of the tub.  
_"**Now this is interesting. If you take the pill, you don't deserve her. If you **_**secretly**_** take the pill, you don't deserve anyone."  
**_He thought about Ambers words, but still reached out. It was too late.__**  
"NO!"  
**__She had come back. she quickly put the glass next to the door and reached for the pill, which she got before he did.__**  
"No! No! No!"  
**__It was no use. She had thrown the pill into the toilet and flushed it away. He reached after it, throwing his hands in the bowl, hoping to catch it, but it was too late. It was gone. He sat down, staring at her while she stroked his shoulder, facing him too.  
_With that the scene ended and she woke up again. The more she saw, the more she understood. How could his mind be so cruel? But even while thinking that, she knew the answer. It wasn't meant to be cruel. It was meant to be real.

She was home early that day. Of course she had to show up late because of falling asleep on her couch on the day the board had decided what they were going to do about her firing House. As she came in at noon, the board had been searching her for at least an hour. She was suspended for three days, starting that same day at five.  
She didn't resent them. Honestly, she needed it. She had wanted to take time off ever since Joy started showing her these scenes, but she could hardly say that her dead miscarriage was guiding her through the head of the doctor she just fired. They would've sent her to the psych ward instead of home.  
She went to bed early that night, wanting to spend the next day with Rachel. And sure enough, when she opened her eyes she was inside a scene again. She was once again in his living room. He was lying on the couch while she was reading a magazine in the chair next to it.  
_She let out a sigh while he tapped his forehead with his fist.  
_"_**Can you stop?"  
**__She moved away the magazine she had been reading.  
_"_**The breathing."  
**__She moved the magazine back and started reading it again.__**  
"Air goes in, air goes out."  
"Use your nose."  
**__She moved the magazine away again, with the cup she had been holding close behind.__**  
"You are supposed to feel like crap. You're doing great."  
**__He crossed his arms.__**  
"And after?"  
"You come back to work."  
**__H__e turned his head more towards her.__**  
"What if I can't?"  
**__S__he sat up and looked at him.__**  
"Opium dependency can make you think you have more pain than you really have. You're gonna be ok."  
"You're telling me what I want to hear. With no evidence."  
"I'm telling you what I believe to be the truth."  
"With no evidence."  
"You're hardly the most un-biased observer."  
"Neither are you."  
**__She had moved to lean forward, but sat up a bit now.  
_"_**I**__**'m your hospitals biggest asset."  
**__She put down her cup.__**  
"Is that why you think I'm here?"  
"It's why you are here, it's why you are lying to me about-"  
"I haven't lied to you in twenty years."  
**__She now sat on the tip of the chair, her arms crossed to support her weight on her knees, magazine still in one hand.__**  
"Sure you have."  
**__She gave him a look that said 'N__o, I haven't' and he sat up. He had realized something.  
_"_**That**__** means you just said that because you wanted to tell me what you lied to me about twenty years ago."  
**__She threw the magazine away and pointed at him.__**  
"You're an ass."  
**__After that, she fixed her shirt and sat forward again.__**  
"Am I wrong?"  
**__She looked at her shoulder and pretended to wipe off some dirt. Then she looked at him again.__**  
"I wasn't in your endocrinology class."  
**__He sat up even more.__**  
"You sat next to me, I cheated off you in the-"  
"I audited your endocrinology class."  
**__He looked confused__**  
"Why would you…?"  
"Because I thought you were an interesting lunatic even then."  
**__He looked at her, shocked.__**  
"I'm not here protecting hospital property."  
**__He still looked the same, but then he looked around.__**  
"We're alone."  
**__This time she looked confused.__**  
"We've been alone all night…"  
**__He looked away.__**  
"No I mean Amber. She's gone."  
**__This time she looked at him, surprised.  
_That was the end of the scene, but she had stopped when her hallucinated self had told him about the class. And a few seconds later, when she heard herself tell him about why she had done it, she had to pinch herself to make sure it hadn't been real. How had he known that? She had never told him. But she had no time to think about it more, as she woke up. It was the start of a new day, a whole day she could spend with her daughter. The one that was alive.

The day was over and it had been a success. She had spent some time with Rachel, but now she was really tired. So, she wasn't surprised when she was back to his apartment soon. She had known something still was missing. He wouldn't have yelled he had slept with her if he only was hallucinating.  
_She was putting on her coat while he limped over to her.  
_"_**I'll see you in later.**__** I have some papers to push for you."  
**__She had put on her coat and took her hair out of it. In the meantime he had walked to her side.__**  
"Thank you."  
**__She opened the door a bit and stared at him.__**  
"You wanna kiss me, don't you?"  
**__He was staring at her too.__**  
"I always wanna kiss you."  
**__Some more staring, before she moved in and kissed him quickly, to test if he really wanted it. Then he moved in and kissed her, forcing her into the wall while closing the door. They kept kissing, both trying to g__et her coat off, she handed it to him when they finally succeeded, he threw it away. They moved away from the wall, turning…  
_Now she understood. It had all been real, at least he had thought it had been real. It was like her hallucination. She wondered if he had felt alone, as she had when she had realized it all had been fake. She woke up and started to get ready for another day with Rachel, but she couldn't shake her thoughts.

She was tired again. Her day had been good, but between taking care of Rachel and thinking about everything Joy had showed her, she just didn't have any time for herself. And she didn't want to fall asleep. She knew what was coming, she had seen her side but this just wasn't complete without his thoughts. She was sitting on her couch, drinking wine, hoping it would keep her awake. But it was no use. She found herself in her office, no chance to go back.  
_She was sitting on her couch, one hand paying with some jewellery, the other holding a paper handkerchief. She looked up when he came in and came to stand before her. She threw the jewellery on the table.  
_"_**Whatev**__**er it is, just say it quickly."  
**__He spoke, the hint of a question in his voice.  
_"_**You've more then one lipstick in the same shade. You've one that has a sealing agent and one that hasn't."  
**_"_**How can that **__**possibly**__** be relevant to anything?"  
**__He looked confused.  
_"_**You really don't think you're just overreacting to the other night?"  
**__She got angry.  
_"_**Fine. I am overreacting."  
**__She stood up and walked towards her desk, all this while talking.  
_"_**You've said plenty of lousy things to me before. But, reaching the final straw has been a good thing. Because it made me realize we not only don't **__**have**__** a personal relationship. We never could."  
**__Now he was really confused.  
_"_**You-you're… You've been overreacting, to something I **__**said**__**?"  
**__She looked away like she didn't care.  
_"_**You insulted me, I walked out. It's nothing that hasn't happened a hundred times before."  
**__Now he was really confused. Then he had a flashback to what really happened, not to what he thought did. He insulted her, she walked out, leaving him standing in the middle of her office. He turned to the door, he just saw it all happen again. He turned back to her, she was still watching him standing behind her desk.  
_"_**No-no, tha… that's not what happened. I told you that I needed you, you-you helped me."  
**__She looked confused, not knowing wh__at he was talking about.  
_"_**Are you ok?"  
**__He still looked confused, then switched his cane to his other hand and took something out of his pocket. He slowly opened his hand to reveal a bottle of vicodin instead of the lipstick he had thought was there. His hand shook and he dropped the vicodin, after which he backed up to the wall, switching his cane again and staring at the vicodin like it was his death. She was really scared now and walked towards him.  
_"_**Are you ok?"  
**__Scenes from his mind flashed by.__ He was sitting by the toilet, staring at her sitting against the wall, it changed into him sitting at the toilet, playing with a bottle of vicodin, taking one, throwing the bottle away.  
__Them by the door, kissing, changing into him walking away alone.  
__She taking his suit jacket off, he returning the favour by taking her shirt off, changing into him taking his suit jacket off himself. He catching her while they were about to hit the bookcase, then walking further to his bedroom, changing into him walking to it alone.  
__He spotting lipstick on his cheek in the morning that wasn't really there, thinking the vicodin was the lipstick, picking it up.  
__He playing with the lipstick, his team seeing it for what it really was, the bottle of vicodin.  
__He turning the lipstick open, which was actually opening his vicodin, closing it and taking the pill he had taken out.  
__Then they were back in her office. Amber standing next to him.  
_"**So, this is the story you made up about who you are. It's a nice one."  
**_He looked up to the corner of her office, where Kutner was standing.  
_"**Too bad it isn't true."  
**_She was trying to comfort him, holding a hand on his face. He shook his head.  
_"_**No. I'm not ok."  
**__She softly stroked his cheek while he closed his eyes.  
_With that she woke up. She had taken him to Wilson without really knowing where he had gone through. Why did all this bad stuff keep happening to him? First his leg, then all the almost-deaths and now this. She put the wine bottle away and went to Rachel's room. This was going to be a long day.

The day was over. She had spent the whole day with Rachel again, only leaving her for a few minutes to clean up the mess she made at her couch. She had made a mental to never fall asleep on that thing again and later she had called her babysitter to check if she was coming back the next day. Now she was exhausted, so she checked in on Rachel and went to bed.  
She was surprised to see the purple room again. She hadn't suspected it, she thought it was over, or Joy would show her what happened to him in the week that had passed. Not this.  
"The reason I brought you here is because you have three questions you can ask. Just like last time."  
"Why did it change? Why did I wake up alone after we had found each other?"  
She had wasted no time replying to Joy's request. The girl was still standing in the shadows, but she replied anyway.  
"I am sorry for that. I just wanted to make you happy, but that was not allowed. When _they_ found out, they made me change it back. I am sorry for not letting you know."  
Satisfied with the answer, but not happy, she asked the second question.  
"Why did you show all this to me? I could've made my own explanation, made something up. Just… why?"  
The answer was simple.  
"You deserved the truth."  
"Why did you keep hiding in the shadows?"  
After that question, Joy came out. She looked horrible. Her once white dress was now a ugly shade of grey and torn. Her hair was a mess and her face was stained with ruined make-up.  
"I didn't want you to see me like this. _They _punished me for breaking the rules. The punishment for interfering with a humans life is being sent to Hell, but because I was new and didn't know the rules yet, they sent me to Between. There I have to stay until they decide I can come back."  
Joy then walked to her and took the moon pendant of her necklace, leaving her to stand in her night clothes. Then she gave the pendant.  
"There are seven in total. Hook one of them to the necklace while you wear it and you'll be wearing the dress that comes with it. The heart is to have anything about your own life explained. The moon does the same thing, but then you will get information about the life of someone else, and it only works at night."  
Then she woke up, pendant in her hand and necklace around her neck. She knew what she had to do. She let her babysitter in and was gone, calling the hospital to say she was taking the day off.

He was sitting in his room, being bored. Amber and Kutner were both talking to him and normally he would block them out, but now he was so bored he just listened.  
"Doctor House? You have a visitor."  
He hadn't suspected her, but he was happy with the company. He blocked out Amber and Kutner again to see her standing there, not sure what to do. He invited her to sit next to him and she did. They stared at each other for a few minutes before she started to talk.  
"I know everything."  
And with that she shared what she got to know from Joy.

**so, that was the 2nd chapter! Before all you huddy-fans get angry at me, sorry for negating whatever huddy that happened in the previous chapter. I just felt it was too fluffy for this series, which now are going to follow the show. Please don't be mad at me? *sees angry mob* uhm, ok, please review? I have somewhere to go. *runs away from angry mob as fast as she can* I said sorry!**


End file.
